Showing posts with label tumtum scribe. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tumtum scribe. Show all posts

Sunday, April 5, 2015

The mothers at the playground


Everyday I walk to the playground and I see them, the mothers.


Everyday I see the mother that comes and sits with her smartphone on her hand, blind and deaf to all her child's excitements: "mummy look at me! Mummy come!";
Everyday I see the mother that fears the dirty floor and the clumsy toddlers;
The one that runs to her baby when he falls down;
The one that just says "it's ok, you can get up by yourself";
The one that smiles to his happiness;
The one that cannot hear his screaming;
The one that sips coffee and can't put the cup down to help her daughter to the swing;
The one that plays with her son non-stop on the slide too narrow for her hip; on the seesaw, too fragile for her weight;
The one that takes her shoes off and runs with them in the grass;
The one that wants to sit, alone with her thoughts;
The one that gets emotional with her child's cry;
The one that smiles to the sound of the laughter;
The one with the stained t-shirt;
The one with the trendy shoes;
The one born and raised here, and the visitor, the emigrant, the expat, the tourist...
The one that looks for flowers; 
The one that collects seeds;
The one that is in a hurry;
The one that has all day;
The one that looks around embarrassed when her baby throws up; 
The one that lies on the floor next to her toddler when he goes tantrum;
The one that breastfeeds;
The one that carries purees and sliced fruit; 
The one that looses her patience and drags her kid out of the playground;
The child whisper calming them all with her magic;
The diplomat mom during a meltdown;
The fearless one under criticism;
The one on the non-ending phone call;
The one chatting with her friends;
The one running after her toddler;
The one letting them be;
The one telling them off;
The one encouraging him to climb higher, to run faster;
The one criticizing him for being so careless;
The one asking her to be quiet, to speak lower, to behave;
The one comparing heights and milestones "how old is she?";
The one embracing her child's uniqueness "it's ok, your doing great";
The one that compliments "well done", the one that enquires "how do you feel about it?";
The one that takes advantage and sits on the grass to meditate;
The one that can't help looking at her watch;
The one that sings happily;
The one that seams to grind her teeth;
The one who went to the hairdresser;
The one always with a messy bun;
The stroller addict;
The babywearing fan;
The new mom with a small baby enjoying the sun;
The mother of three, blowing me away managing it all;
The one sharing play time with the husband;
The one with the helper, the babysitter, the nanny to help;
The one followed by the whole family, the granny eager to help, the athletic uncle doing push-ups, the noisy cousins running around;
The one clapping to her son's strong kick;
The one offering water;
The one saying "you had enough food already";
The one protecting him from the cold with an extra jacket;
The one carrying his hat;
The one smelling his son's bottom;
The one kissing her daughter's hair;
The one insisting "share, you can play together";
The one asking "don't touch it, it is not yours";
The one letting him eat that food that he dropped on the floor;
The one wiping his hands so often;
The one carrying grapes and fresh fruits and the one that just bought a chocolate at the vending machine...

Everyday I walk to the playground, and I see them, the mothers.
Me? I do not judge.
Me? I am all of them. All of them in one.

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Dark Motherhood chronicles


Today I did not want to be a mother.
Today I did not want to be a wife.
Today I wish I never really got to know my in laws.
Today I did not want my knees to hurt from squatting colorful playgrounds and I really did not want this headache from a night of broken sleep. Oh, I had headaches before, believe me, I did. But Is a headache from staying up with my baby the same as the ones you get from a whole night partying? I don't know, but today I wanted to find out. 
Today I don't want to wear my old havaianas, today I want my high heels back (yes, the red ones, yes the silk ones!) I want my miniskirts back and the cleavage you disprove.
Today I don't want organic food, I want to skip lunch and get drunk with wine and olives.
Today I want to get into that jeep and travel again half the world. Today I want to dance.
Just dance (not "helping my baby to sleep" dance). 
Today I want to be naked, but sexy naked, not (I did not manage to put my clothes on yet naked).
Today I wanted to be carefree and light.
I want to walk barefooted and spend all my money in a massage.
Today I want to wear makeup, go to the movies, flirt the night away.
Today I want to make friends, toons of friends, and drink beer with them.
Today I want to swim, in the ocean.
Today I want to... 

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

You don't understand




No you will not understand. Not the sleepless nights nor the tantrum filled days. You will not understand why my messy hair, my loose t-shirt, my dark circles. You will have no sympathy for my terror if, even for some seconds, I lose my child in the crowd. You will probably laugh at the number of times I adjust and re-adjust the pram where he (accidentally! This rarely ever happens!) fell asleep; or the times I cover him gently and check his temperature (sometimes even waking him up with my concern) at night. You will have no petty for my cancelled plans and suspended dreams. You will think it is not a big deal to be a full time mom. No you will not know what it is to change diapers all day and nurse all night; to sleep siting with your baby in your arms, afraid if you change position he will wake up (again!). You will say "it's ok" he looks fine" "this too shall pass" but you will not mean it. Cause how could you? You do not know what is a kick or a slap from your anxious toddler. Have no clue how it feels to look for "what did I do to cause it" reasons. You don't know what it is not to go for grocery shopping for a week just cause you can't keep your baby in the shop long enough. Of course you don't (neither does the neighbor - she has a maid; or her friend - she has her baby in school since he was 4 (months old...)). Have you tried to go back to sleep after been woken up by a loud scream from the one you love most? Again and again (and again, sometimes 20 minutes apart)? Have you attempted to vacuum clean a nose from a screaming helpless baby or hold him tight when he has the painful vaccines for the first time? Do you know what it is to look in the mirror and miss the old you, with more curves (or for some of us less) bigger breasts (yes, how they shrink after he nurses!) and make up in place? Do you know what it feels to be lonely even when you sleep by my side? Or to secretly wish you would sleep in another room cause there is just not enough room in our bed for three (or cause, sorry but your snoring sometimes wakes the baby up). Can you imagine never again eating with both hands, or siting down, or quietly, or slowly, or 100% free to choose your menu? You know how my back feels after all the carrying, the rocking, the breastfeeding? The list of struggles and challenges could go on but I am journaling about it to let it go, not to hold on to it. But you see, all changed. Cooking is never the same, walking is never the same, breathing is never the same! Oh you will not understand how much LOVING is never the same! And with all this "no you will not understand" I feel you... YOU are missing... The big things - have you seen him? Have you seen tumtum laughing in his sleep? Yes, he does. And how could you know how priceless it is? Today he is 21 months old and I am happy, so happy to be with him. With love, Joana (And now, nap time! ♥)