Wound talk

My knee hurts and I know it's you again.

I mean it's me, again lost in the illusion of Me, reflected in You.

How deep is the wound i carry inside?

How addictive is the bullying I accept to perform to myself, like a ritual, over and over again?

How strong is the memory of those words I heard years a go (maybe lives a go!)? 

How was it that I accepted your opinion about me as the truth?

How was it that I heard you critics louder than your compliments?

Why was it so easy to accept that flaw you mentioned once, and so easy to sit with it, a monster flaw making my steps heavy, making my back bend, making my bed cold and my shoes just... Uncomfortable?

How was it possible the mirror no longer showing me the beauty of my wavy blonde hair but rather the messiness of a "not dark enough" head?

How was it that I accepted this as my truth?! When did it happen comparison joined my vocabulary and dimmed my light? How did I allow that to happen?

What was I looking for when I found... This? 

All our choices are done based on what we believe takes us closer to joy and further from pain...

How much joy was missing inside my chest? How much joy was away from my attractive breasts, my sexy legs, my strong back, my expressive hands, my long arms, my almond shaped nails, my delicate pink yoni, my firm bottom, my small ears, my fine nose, my hazelnut green eyes, my perfect eyebrows, my small feet, my ivory teeth, my warm and soft tongue, my fair and delicate skin, my elegant neck and muscled shoulders... My wide thighs...my Shakespeare's heroin hair... My unique style!?

How much joy was I keeping away from my soul... My heart. My story?

It is all perfect, it is all full of magic, full of grace and strength, doesn't matter what words you choose to define yourself with.  

 How much beauty was I hiding from... Myself? 

I don't know. 

But those times are over and I am no longer accepting YOUR words to define ME. I am far too divine for that.

I might be alone, in the corner, licking my wounds but I am, now, closer from JOY then when I was with you.