Wednesday, July 8, 2015
~ Carne*, the lost priestess ~
Tuesday, April 21, 2015
Friday, April 10, 2015
I used to practice my acting
Sunday, April 5, 2015
The mothers at the playground
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
Dark Motherhood chronicles
Taking back my power
Wound talk
Breaking my heart... Open?
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
Letter to you at the ashram
afraid of your truth?
And when you find, during random talk with loved ones, new layers of fear hiding inside... When you are not speaking exactly your truth.
you know the feeling? Sure you ARE expressing yourself but just... Being careful... Afraid (yes, it is fear) of a misunderstanding, afraid (yes, it is fear) of being judged, afraid (yes, fear...) of being rejected... Afraid they will love you less... It is both a trick and a treat this Halloween night gift.
Today I will speak all of my truth, freely and lovingly towards myself and my nature. Today and tomorrow, hugging new cycles close(r) to the heart.
two years ago I married India
confessions of a body
You don't understand
Tonight I would...
My love for you is like Henna
Today I miss...
Today I miss my friends, so very deeply.
Today I miss the places where I danced till sunrise, the shores I collected seashell from, the summers I have sunbathed till I burned my skin. Our meetings by dusk for a drink, our afternoons at the coffee shops talking, our times out, for the movies, the theatre, the art exhibitions. I miss a good laugh, I miss high heels and lipstick.
Today I miss the glamour of the work I used to do (even if it existed mainly in other people's head); I miss the colleagues, the empty spaces to create, the brand new texts to open, and read, and sigh... Today I miss the dreams we share together, me and my friends. I miss my tribe, I miss all the well known places. I miss my language, I miss my brother...
Today I miss sunsets and parks. I miss cinema. I miss that way we used to sit, stare, smile, and have wine.
Today I miss a clean blue sky. I miss my gorgeous girlfriends and their hair. I don't know why but I just miss you all so much. I miss my friends, my male friends and their hugs, their jokes, their soft flirty ways... I miss driving a car knowing where I am heading to, I miss improvising a night out.
Today I miss mint tea with milk. I miss pasteis de Nata...
I miss Mozambique, I miss Portugal, I miss all those places where I left pieces of my heart...
Today I do, miss you <3
Flowers in your hair
I dream of moving to one of those places where people wear flowers in their hair.
Why? Cause a place like that can't be a bad place.
It's my birthday
23:23 this side of the world
and i was just born (15:15 Pt -london time) 37 years ago.
I feel I am young.
I feel I am old.
I feel that I live in a rusty body sometimes, others it's the mind... and it's crunchy sounds... Having troubles opening up (more, and more, and more).
I am not afraid, the more I live and dream the less I am afraid. There is nothing to fear I know, only love to share.
I am very grateful for this knowledge, and the experiences I learned it from.
I am happy to be here. Very happy I am a woman (this time around), fantastic to be a mother... exciting to be a witch, a healer, forever an artist, always a gipsy.
I am passionate about creation, I follow the "religion" of celebration. I am here.
I thank you for taking part on my creation, my world is, I can say, more beautiful with you (believe me, if not you wouldn't be reading this).
I am grateful for your bDay wishes, made me feel... Loved.
(And will keep me company even in the lost patches of my path, I will remember "friends love you, and orbs visit you, often, this is your path, honor it")
Joana
The more you cry?
And have you noticed, the more you open your heart chakra (maybe with meditation or just exercising compassion) the more you cry?
I mean the more you get moved and touched by stories, by pictures, by animals scared of humans, by people begging for food (or for love..)...?
Did you notice the more you get lost gazing at the sky, the more ecstatic is your dance, the deeper your diving into poetry, or art. The more your heart beats (the more it goes tumtum! ;-)) the more you float with lightness and joy, and the deeper you suffer with lies... Disappointments...
Oh don't worry, the opening of the heart is a good, a fantastic thing. You are blessed, taking the good path, don't give up now. Not cause it's painful, or it feels lonely. You are not alone, never alone.
Enjoy this, this ability to be so deeply connected with all there is.
(next step, stay grounded while you do it...)
Dia do pai...
Hoje é dia do pai e eu não sei o que dizer... Todos os anos é a mesma coisa, há cá dentro uma sensação estranha de que "devia" ter algo para dizer... Mas não tenho.
Passei a vida toda assim... Vejo agora que criei mecanismos para me defender disto (como se este dia me "atacasse"...), lembro-me quando era criança e era obrigada na escola a fazer o "presente para o dia do pai"... Lembro-me do constrangimento de não saber desenhar "o que o pai gosta mais" ou a cara do papá... (Tenho até um desenho do jardim de infância em que desenhei para ele um balde... Um balde?! Yah... Sabia lá eu o que desenhar...). Lembro-me de chorar porque os outros meninos diziam que eu "não tinha" pai, dizem até que me vinguei desses que falavam assim, mas disso não me recordo... Mas lembro-me de forrar (literalmente) a minha caixa dos lápis com fotos do meu pai... Não porque as fotos fossem de grande significado para mim mas para provar que o tal "pai" existia, eu também tinha um...
Lembro-me de mais tarde passar a considerar o dia do pai como um segundo "dia da mãe" e pronto, fazer os tais presentes foleiros para ela, não sei de onde veio esta estratégia mas durante uns tempos funcionou. Mas já não funciona, já sou crescida suficiente para ver que não funciona, que partilhar hoje uma foto do meu pai não faz sentido (e encontrar uma em que estejamos os dois é mesmo impossível). E sou crescida suficiente para dizer que isto é triste. Que é triste não poder dizer obrigada, que é... é uma merda, não ter uma memória real dele...
"Não ter" pai é uma merda... Pronto, disse.
Filha Joana